This story actually begins in 2004, soon after Calvin and I got married. We had talked at length about becoming foster parents and actually began looking into taking steps towards making it a reality, but were stopped short after our first inquiry because I was only 19 years old and didn't meet the minimum age requirement to be a foster parent. At that point, Calvin and I enjoyed another year as newlyweds and then started our family biologically because it would still be another year until we would be eligible to be foster parents. And you know the story between then and now (as far as our family goes). :)
Over the course of the next several years, we began to think of adoption. After bringing Ella home from the hospital, it was clear to both Cal and me that we would not try for another baby biologically; it was just too risky for me and the prospective baby. I remember a conversation that Calvin and I had in the privacy of our bedroom when Ella was only a few months old that we talked seriously about adoption and what our timeline would be. The "plan" was to wait until Ella was one year old and then begin the paperwork for an adoption, but as we now well know, making our plans on our own time-frame with God in the picture is as silly as writing our plans in the sand near an ocean tide, for we know that, " In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
When Ella was only 8 months old, God's plan for our lives beat our plan to the "punch". We were called to Peru and spent a year in the States preparing to go and one year on the field until Ella's hips brought us back for several reconstructive surgeries. But even while we were in Peru, the seed of adoption that had been planted all the years earlier was still germinating in our hearts. We contacted some friends of ours that had done some international adoptions and who were working in an orphanage to find out if we'd be eligible to adopt while we were overseas. When their email came to us, we learned that we were not eligible because we were living as volunteers and had no regular income.
Moving back to the States, I have to admit that adoption weighed heavily on my heart, but it was just not the right time. We were living with my parents until we could get back on our feet and Calvin was looking for work. It was obviously not the time or place to pursue an adoption.
As this year, February, rolled around, I began to sense the stirring of adoption in my heart once again, but this time, I dismissed it. We had bought my brother's very small early-19th century home in Nampa and were very limited on space. With only two small bedrooms and enough space to barely walk around the edges of the beds, I deduced that we were not in the proper living situation to add another child to our family. But that's when I realized that this time, it seemed to be God tapping me on the shoulder. The urge to adopt became stronger and stronger. No matter how I argued the issue with God, the conviction just wouldn't ease up.
"But God," I'd argue, "Calvin is 35 years old and will be 53-55 when the child graduates high school! We need a life after children!"
Or, "LORD, Ella is almost four years old. That's way too old to add another child to the family!"
But with all of my excuses, my conviction only grew and with it came Bible verses that confirmed the conviction. As my heart became more and more sure of the call that was being placed on it, I decided to ask Calvin if he was experiencing the same thing. I knew that if God was, indeed calling us to adopt, then it would be on Calvin's heart as well. I love the spouse-check system! To my surprise, Calvin was more closed to adoption than he has ever been throughout the years. His reasons were the same as mine had been. No room in our tiny house, he was getting older and so were the kids, etc... That was it. The answer was "no". Or so I thought.
As the days continued, I felt adoption weigh heavier and heavier upon my heart. And with each passing day, I began to feel as if it (my heart) was ripping in two. I knew what God had laid on my heart was true and that adoption was important, but I also knew that if it was the right time, Calvin would know it too. I did not doubt his ability to hear God's call because we had both sensed God's call in such a real way when we went to Peru, but I also knew that what I was feeling was real too! I began to pray that God would either take the burden of adopting off of my heart and alleviate the huge weight I had been feeling or place it on Calvin's heart as well. The last thing I wanted to do was to take any steps outside of God's plan for our lives.
Meanwhile, as I was praying over adopting daily, I ran into a very close friend at church, who confided that she needed to chat with me. When we got to a place that we could share, she told me that she felt like God was leading her heart towards adopting, but her husband was not being led in the same direction!!! Sound familiar?! I felt like I was hearing myself talk! After that night, my friend and I became close prayer partners and began covering each other's situations in prayer, knowing that God would be faithful to answer why it was we were on different pages than our husbands. Our calls to adopt had been so evident and yet our husbands had felt nothing. We both knew that it was not the fault of our husbands for not being sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. That wasn't it at all. Our only explanation was that the timing must be off.
As I continued to pray over the course of the next couple of weeks, I felt the Lord soften my heart and speak to me one night. I had been praying that God would take the burden from my heart and/or place it on Calvin's. We had always wanted boys because we already had girls, but this night as I was praying, I felt God say, "Jen, you need to be open to another girl...not necessarily closed to a boy, but just open to a girl."
What?
We already have two girls! We don't need more estrogen!
But I knew what I had felt and I guarded it in my heart. Only a few weeks later, after feeling incredibly pressed about adoption, I brought up the matter in the car when Calvin and I were on our way to run some errands. When I did so, Calvin seemed a little frustrated and became quiet at first. I could tell that thinking of adoption was stressing him out. I asked him what was wrong and his answer went something like this, "Jen, sometimes plans change. I am getting cut hours at work, we live in a tiny house, I'm not getting any younger...it's just not going to work. It's not going to happen."
My heart sank to the tips of my toes. I was so discouraged. And, I was beginning to feel a little bit crazy. I knew that I had felt led to adopt, but with Calvin's lack of impression in the same direction, I knew that adoption was not a possibility. It was that night that I surrendered completely the thought of adoption to the throne of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and promised that I would never again bring up adoption to Calvin.
Well, that lasted until the next day. (only, it wasn't me who brought it up) :) We were skyping with my dear friend, Emily, who was serving on the mission field in Haiti and at one point in the conversation, she wanted us to get on her facebook page and look up a picture of one of the sunsets that she had taken during her time there. After several minutes of searching, we never could find the photo, but as we were scrolling down her page, we came across a photo of a little Haitian baby. Calvin's breath caught in his throat when he saw her. I didn't dare say a word. We had just had a rather awkward conversation about adoption the day before and I had surrendered it to the Lord, so I wasn't about to make a comment. But I didn't have to. Before either of us could take our eyes off of the precious baby, Emily piped up and said, "She's available for adoption!" That's when I groaned and said, "You've got to be kidding me! I just told God I wouldn't talk about adoption anymore!" We finished our skype date and then I began to make us some dinner. While I was making my meal preparations, Calvin came into the kitchen and began talking with me about the baby he had seen on Emily's facebook page. "Jen, I'm rethinking the whole adoption thing."...
"You are?!" Was my bewildered response! :)
As the conversation progressed, I hardly said anything and tried to ask really general questions so as not to suggest something too aggressive. When Calvin told me what was on his heart, it went something like this:
"Jen, I just think that maybe Emily went down to Haiti just to get us that picture of the baby!"
"Let's go ahead and look into adoption of this little one!"
"There's just something about her."
I then quizzed him some more (I wanted to be sure) and I said, "Well, she's a girl and you already have two, would you be disappointed that you don't have a boy?"
And do you know what he said? He said, "No, I think we are supposed to pursue her in particular. It was her that God laid on my heart, so I want to pursue an adoption of her!"
At this point, my mind is reeling. I had just surrendered, one hundred percent, the call to adopt the night before and wouldn't you know, the next day, God laid it on Calvin's heart to adopt...! A girl! The gender God has asked me to be open to only a few weeks earlier! It was so freeing to me though because I knew that I had not forced the issue or manipulated it in any way. It was a confirmation from God pure and simple.
Only a few days after recognizing Calvin's desire to pursue adopting the baby girl, I had a massive allergic reaction that threatened my life and left me in the ICU overnight and part of the next day, and on the "normal" wing of the hospital for another day after that! With the inevitable hospital bills that would be coming, I realized that our finances had probably been dinged significantly and that adoption was probably not real probable right now financially. Again, I felt sad, but not because we probably weren't going to adopt, but because I had already fallen in love with this baby girl of ours, Altanie and couldn't fathom losing her.
It was during that time that I saw Calvin really rely heavily on the Lord. He told me that God would take care of our medical and that if God wanted us to adopt, then it would happen!
Only a few weeks later, my friend, who was going through the same dilemma of having her husband on a separate page when it came to the adoption, called with some amazing news! Her husband had felt the call to adopt as well! Praise the Lord!
As Calvin and I continued to pray, it became more and more obvious that the timing of adoption could not be worse, but that God was without a doubt, laying it on our hearts. We had no choice but to continue praying about it. A week later, when Calv and I got away for a walk through our neighborhood alone, we discussed what God had been laying on our hearts. There were two promises/ goals that we had felt God speak to us at that time. The first, was to adopt. The second, is still secret. :) When we got home, we sat down at our kitchen table and placed our promises/goals on a piece of paper and then listed the verses that came to our hearts in confirmation to pursuing an adoption. One of them read, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
As we continued praying throughout the days following, God was faithful to provide more verses in confirmation to our goals, and we added them to our written goal sheet.
You know, God works in such mysterious ways and one of those ways is that He works in the impossibilities. As we well know, He used our impossible situation with Ella and saved her life against all odds, so it was true that He could work a miracle again in our adoption, but we had some pretty big road-blocks ahead.
The first is that the Haitian government wants adoptive parents to be 35 yrs old. Calvin is 35, but I just turned 27. Apparently, they will allow only one parent to meet the minimum age requirement and let the younger of the two slip off the radar. So, that road-block seemed to be only a small bump. Secondly, the Haitian government wants childless couples to adopt from Haiti, which also poses a problem for us since we have two children. There is a small loop-hole in this law and that is the presidential dispensation act. In the act, the president will grant special permission for families to adopt and from what we understand, he rarely denies anyone, but it just takes longer than normal to process the paperwork. The third and final block in the road is the law that a married couple must be married 10 years or longer to adopt! Calvin and I will be married for 8 years on May 22 this year. When I spoke with a counselor at an agency, she tried to encourage me by saying, "Well, they do take into account dating years too, so if you dated for a few years prior to your wedding, that can count too."
But alas, Calvin and I only really dated for four and a half months before our wedding, which doesn't help us out a lot. We were encouraged to wait another year before starting our paperwork, but with God's leading and our little girl already born and waiting, it didn't seem like a feasible option.
This is starting to get very long, but I just want to tell you that God has so laid this conviction to adopt on our hearts. At one point, we decided it would just be easier to adopt domestically, but we were again, checked by the Holy Spirit to pursue who He had for us, Altanie. As Calvin's hours kept getting cut at work, I would pray that God would provide for us financially and to show me that He had a plan for this adoption. It was the same day that Nampa Christian called me to sub for their Spanish class for two days! Then, the next week, I was hired at Garden of Learning to help teach 2 year olds and get paid for it on a weekly basis!!
The confirmations have been many and very real. Be sure and scroll down and read about our "Double Arches" of promise to see more amazing confirmations of His promises to us regarding this adoption!
And just yesterday I received a phone call from my dear friend who is also on an adoption journey with her husband. She told me that God had laid a verse on her heart in regards to her adoption and then felt led to share it with me for our journey. It was Romans 15:13, the very verse that God had laid on my heart the day before and I had been teaching to Ariana for the past couple of days!
I share all of this not because it's super interesting or even because I think I have the right to ramble because after all, this is called the "Ramblings of Jen", but because we are needing prayer! God has once again laid an impossible situation at our feet and we just need to daily commit and surrender to His plan for our lives. Right now, we know that we need to pursue adopting this precious little girl, Altanie. We have tried arguing with God, and it just doesn't work. We don't know how this will end or where He will ultimately take us, but we know that His plan is perfect! My friend (and her husband) that is on her own adoption journey right now helped me with this word picture. She said that the Word says that God is a lamp unto our feet, not a spotlight shining on the end result. All we can do is take one step at a time as He lights the way. We know that if God has Altanie designed for our family, then the Haitian laws and barriers will part and she will be melded into our little family. And if He is leading us towards her in order to reveal a different plan, then the doors will close on the adoption. We just ask that you'd pray us through this journey, that we would be sensitive to His will.
"These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut." Revelation 3:7-8
And would you pray for Altanie, that God would grow and develop her within the walls of her Haitian orphanage? And that she would be placed with the family that God has for her? She is such a precious little person and can use all the prayers she can get!
Thank you so much for the way you have come along side us in so many prayers over the years! We are blessed beyond measure by this awesome body of believers. Blessings to each of you as you encounter each day with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
We will keep you updated. :)
Over the course of the next several years, we began to think of adoption. After bringing Ella home from the hospital, it was clear to both Cal and me that we would not try for another baby biologically; it was just too risky for me and the prospective baby. I remember a conversation that Calvin and I had in the privacy of our bedroom when Ella was only a few months old that we talked seriously about adoption and what our timeline would be. The "plan" was to wait until Ella was one year old and then begin the paperwork for an adoption, but as we now well know, making our plans on our own time-frame with God in the picture is as silly as writing our plans in the sand near an ocean tide, for we know that, " In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
When Ella was only 8 months old, God's plan for our lives beat our plan to the "punch". We were called to Peru and spent a year in the States preparing to go and one year on the field until Ella's hips brought us back for several reconstructive surgeries. But even while we were in Peru, the seed of adoption that had been planted all the years earlier was still germinating in our hearts. We contacted some friends of ours that had done some international adoptions and who were working in an orphanage to find out if we'd be eligible to adopt while we were overseas. When their email came to us, we learned that we were not eligible because we were living as volunteers and had no regular income.
Moving back to the States, I have to admit that adoption weighed heavily on my heart, but it was just not the right time. We were living with my parents until we could get back on our feet and Calvin was looking for work. It was obviously not the time or place to pursue an adoption.
As this year, February, rolled around, I began to sense the stirring of adoption in my heart once again, but this time, I dismissed it. We had bought my brother's very small early-19th century home in Nampa and were very limited on space. With only two small bedrooms and enough space to barely walk around the edges of the beds, I deduced that we were not in the proper living situation to add another child to our family. But that's when I realized that this time, it seemed to be God tapping me on the shoulder. The urge to adopt became stronger and stronger. No matter how I argued the issue with God, the conviction just wouldn't ease up.
"But God," I'd argue, "Calvin is 35 years old and will be 53-55 when the child graduates high school! We need a life after children!"
Or, "LORD, Ella is almost four years old. That's way too old to add another child to the family!"
But with all of my excuses, my conviction only grew and with it came Bible verses that confirmed the conviction. As my heart became more and more sure of the call that was being placed on it, I decided to ask Calvin if he was experiencing the same thing. I knew that if God was, indeed calling us to adopt, then it would be on Calvin's heart as well. I love the spouse-check system! To my surprise, Calvin was more closed to adoption than he has ever been throughout the years. His reasons were the same as mine had been. No room in our tiny house, he was getting older and so were the kids, etc... That was it. The answer was "no". Or so I thought.
As the days continued, I felt adoption weigh heavier and heavier upon my heart. And with each passing day, I began to feel as if it (my heart) was ripping in two. I knew what God had laid on my heart was true and that adoption was important, but I also knew that if it was the right time, Calvin would know it too. I did not doubt his ability to hear God's call because we had both sensed God's call in such a real way when we went to Peru, but I also knew that what I was feeling was real too! I began to pray that God would either take the burden of adopting off of my heart and alleviate the huge weight I had been feeling or place it on Calvin's heart as well. The last thing I wanted to do was to take any steps outside of God's plan for our lives.
Meanwhile, as I was praying over adopting daily, I ran into a very close friend at church, who confided that she needed to chat with me. When we got to a place that we could share, she told me that she felt like God was leading her heart towards adopting, but her husband was not being led in the same direction!!! Sound familiar?! I felt like I was hearing myself talk! After that night, my friend and I became close prayer partners and began covering each other's situations in prayer, knowing that God would be faithful to answer why it was we were on different pages than our husbands. Our calls to adopt had been so evident and yet our husbands had felt nothing. We both knew that it was not the fault of our husbands for not being sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. That wasn't it at all. Our only explanation was that the timing must be off.
As I continued to pray over the course of the next couple of weeks, I felt the Lord soften my heart and speak to me one night. I had been praying that God would take the burden from my heart and/or place it on Calvin's. We had always wanted boys because we already had girls, but this night as I was praying, I felt God say, "Jen, you need to be open to another girl...not necessarily closed to a boy, but just open to a girl."
What?
We already have two girls! We don't need more estrogen!
But I knew what I had felt and I guarded it in my heart. Only a few weeks later, after feeling incredibly pressed about adoption, I brought up the matter in the car when Calvin and I were on our way to run some errands. When I did so, Calvin seemed a little frustrated and became quiet at first. I could tell that thinking of adoption was stressing him out. I asked him what was wrong and his answer went something like this, "Jen, sometimes plans change. I am getting cut hours at work, we live in a tiny house, I'm not getting any younger...it's just not going to work. It's not going to happen."
My heart sank to the tips of my toes. I was so discouraged. And, I was beginning to feel a little bit crazy. I knew that I had felt led to adopt, but with Calvin's lack of impression in the same direction, I knew that adoption was not a possibility. It was that night that I surrendered completely the thought of adoption to the throne of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and promised that I would never again bring up adoption to Calvin.
Well, that lasted until the next day. (only, it wasn't me who brought it up) :) We were skyping with my dear friend, Emily, who was serving on the mission field in Haiti and at one point in the conversation, she wanted us to get on her facebook page and look up a picture of one of the sunsets that she had taken during her time there. After several minutes of searching, we never could find the photo, but as we were scrolling down her page, we came across a photo of a little Haitian baby. Calvin's breath caught in his throat when he saw her. I didn't dare say a word. We had just had a rather awkward conversation about adoption the day before and I had surrendered it to the Lord, so I wasn't about to make a comment. But I didn't have to. Before either of us could take our eyes off of the precious baby, Emily piped up and said, "She's available for adoption!" That's when I groaned and said, "You've got to be kidding me! I just told God I wouldn't talk about adoption anymore!" We finished our skype date and then I began to make us some dinner. While I was making my meal preparations, Calvin came into the kitchen and began talking with me about the baby he had seen on Emily's facebook page. "Jen, I'm rethinking the whole adoption thing."...
"You are?!" Was my bewildered response! :)
As the conversation progressed, I hardly said anything and tried to ask really general questions so as not to suggest something too aggressive. When Calvin told me what was on his heart, it went something like this:
"Jen, I just think that maybe Emily went down to Haiti just to get us that picture of the baby!"
"Let's go ahead and look into adoption of this little one!"
"There's just something about her."
I then quizzed him some more (I wanted to be sure) and I said, "Well, she's a girl and you already have two, would you be disappointed that you don't have a boy?"
And do you know what he said? He said, "No, I think we are supposed to pursue her in particular. It was her that God laid on my heart, so I want to pursue an adoption of her!"
 |
| This is the photo we saw on facebook |
Only a few days after recognizing Calvin's desire to pursue adopting the baby girl, I had a massive allergic reaction that threatened my life and left me in the ICU overnight and part of the next day, and on the "normal" wing of the hospital for another day after that! With the inevitable hospital bills that would be coming, I realized that our finances had probably been dinged significantly and that adoption was probably not real probable right now financially. Again, I felt sad, but not because we probably weren't going to adopt, but because I had already fallen in love with this baby girl of ours, Altanie and couldn't fathom losing her.
It was during that time that I saw Calvin really rely heavily on the Lord. He told me that God would take care of our medical and that if God wanted us to adopt, then it would happen!
Only a few weeks later, my friend, who was going through the same dilemma of having her husband on a separate page when it came to the adoption, called with some amazing news! Her husband had felt the call to adopt as well! Praise the Lord!
As Calvin and I continued to pray, it became more and more obvious that the timing of adoption could not be worse, but that God was without a doubt, laying it on our hearts. We had no choice but to continue praying about it. A week later, when Calv and I got away for a walk through our neighborhood alone, we discussed what God had been laying on our hearts. There were two promises/ goals that we had felt God speak to us at that time. The first, was to adopt. The second, is still secret. :) When we got home, we sat down at our kitchen table and placed our promises/goals on a piece of paper and then listed the verses that came to our hearts in confirmation to pursuing an adoption. One of them read, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
As we continued praying throughout the days following, God was faithful to provide more verses in confirmation to our goals, and we added them to our written goal sheet.
You know, God works in such mysterious ways and one of those ways is that He works in the impossibilities. As we well know, He used our impossible situation with Ella and saved her life against all odds, so it was true that He could work a miracle again in our adoption, but we had some pretty big road-blocks ahead.
 |
| Altanie, our little Haitian baby |
But alas, Calvin and I only really dated for four and a half months before our wedding, which doesn't help us out a lot. We were encouraged to wait another year before starting our paperwork, but with God's leading and our little girl already born and waiting, it didn't seem like a feasible option.
This is starting to get very long, but I just want to tell you that God has so laid this conviction to adopt on our hearts. At one point, we decided it would just be easier to adopt domestically, but we were again, checked by the Holy Spirit to pursue who He had for us, Altanie. As Calvin's hours kept getting cut at work, I would pray that God would provide for us financially and to show me that He had a plan for this adoption. It was the same day that Nampa Christian called me to sub for their Spanish class for two days! Then, the next week, I was hired at Garden of Learning to help teach 2 year olds and get paid for it on a weekly basis!!
The confirmations have been many and very real. Be sure and scroll down and read about our "Double Arches" of promise to see more amazing confirmations of His promises to us regarding this adoption!
And just yesterday I received a phone call from my dear friend who is also on an adoption journey with her husband. She told me that God had laid a verse on her heart in regards to her adoption and then felt led to share it with me for our journey. It was Romans 15:13, the very verse that God had laid on my heart the day before and I had been teaching to Ariana for the past couple of days!
I share all of this not because it's super interesting or even because I think I have the right to ramble because after all, this is called the "Ramblings of Jen", but because we are needing prayer! God has once again laid an impossible situation at our feet and we just need to daily commit and surrender to His plan for our lives. Right now, we know that we need to pursue adopting this precious little girl, Altanie. We have tried arguing with God, and it just doesn't work. We don't know how this will end or where He will ultimately take us, but we know that His plan is perfect! My friend (and her husband) that is on her own adoption journey right now helped me with this word picture. She said that the Word says that God is a lamp unto our feet, not a spotlight shining on the end result. All we can do is take one step at a time as He lights the way. We know that if God has Altanie designed for our family, then the Haitian laws and barriers will part and she will be melded into our little family. And if He is leading us towards her in order to reveal a different plan, then the doors will close on the adoption. We just ask that you'd pray us through this journey, that we would be sensitive to His will.
 |
| Another shot of Altanie |
And would you pray for Altanie, that God would grow and develop her within the walls of her Haitian orphanage? And that she would be placed with the family that God has for her? She is such a precious little person and can use all the prayers she can get!
Thank you so much for the way you have come along side us in so many prayers over the years! We are blessed beyond measure by this awesome body of believers. Blessings to each of you as you encounter each day with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
We will keep you updated. :)
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