An odd emotion is flowing from my heart tonight after I learned a somewhat troublesome piece of news today when I saw my neurologist. I am almost hoping that what he says of my health is true so that all of the testing can finally be over, but if what he says is true, then life as I know it will be different...forever. Thankfully, I serve a God who knows what is going on and has filled my heart with peace and joy tonight as I write to you.
After meeting my neurologist, Dr Green, and going over my symptoms, health record and recent tests, scans and MRI's, and doing a few in-clinic tests and exams, he said that as a Multiple Sclerosis Specialist himself, he believes that my symptoms and test results are very compatible with the disease. Because of the telltale spots on my brain and convincing symptoms to go along with them, as well as ruling out other possible illnesses with all the testing, he felt that it was very likely that I am in the early stages of Multiple Sclerosis. To diagnose it for sure, he'd like for me to undergo a spinal tap to see if my fluid is abnormal (which it is in 95% of MS patients).
Calvin and I are praying for what God would have us do. Of course, we want to know what is going on, but we are also cautious about spending any more money! But (and it's a big but), if I do have MS and we don't have it diagnosed, the disease will progress more rapidly than if we took preventative steps to slow it down. The plan is to call insurance tomorrow and see what percentage they will cover of a spinal tap and go from there. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has this all in His very capable hands.
The question that Calvin and I keep asking God is, "Why does it seem that you are asking us to adopt when financially and medically it just doesn't make sense?" But every time we even emotionally, cognitively or any other "ively" waver from adoption, we are convicted to follow Him, no matter what it looks like to us! Even with the best spiritual vision, we cannot see with heavenly eyes. He has called us to patiently endure and trust Him, blindly.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." (Colossians 1:10-12)
Jesus can see above all of the fog and knows exactly how all of this will work out. It almost seems as if we are on a trailblazing locomotive that is cruising ahead at record speeds, and from our view as we try to poke our heads above the heavy cloud, we just barely see the tippy top of an enormous mountain and inevitable crash ahead. But it's interesting to me that Jesus told the disciples in Mark, chapter 11 verse 23, "“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him"! And in Mark 10:27, this is what Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
On this crazy train that is barreling toward what seems to be inevitable destruction, we find ourselves feeling a little nutty, but completely at peace, because we are on God's train and not only is it His train, but He is the engineer! Because of the "fog" (or our inability to see the big picture) in our lives, we exchange our blindness for what God can see; the big picture that there is a tunnel in the mountain or maybe it's that the mountain wasn't a mountain at all, but just a mirage. We know that God has a plan for our lives and that He would not put us on these tracks only to allow a devastating catastrophe. We know His plans for us are good, even if right now they don't appear that way or we get a few bumps and bruises along the way. He wants the best for us and is preparing us for all that lies ahead. And so, we trust Him. We exchange the visible for the invisible and take the ride of our lives!
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
After meeting my neurologist, Dr Green, and going over my symptoms, health record and recent tests, scans and MRI's, and doing a few in-clinic tests and exams, he said that as a Multiple Sclerosis Specialist himself, he believes that my symptoms and test results are very compatible with the disease. Because of the telltale spots on my brain and convincing symptoms to go along with them, as well as ruling out other possible illnesses with all the testing, he felt that it was very likely that I am in the early stages of Multiple Sclerosis. To diagnose it for sure, he'd like for me to undergo a spinal tap to see if my fluid is abnormal (which it is in 95% of MS patients).
Calvin and I are praying for what God would have us do. Of course, we want to know what is going on, but we are also cautious about spending any more money! But (and it's a big but), if I do have MS and we don't have it diagnosed, the disease will progress more rapidly than if we took preventative steps to slow it down. The plan is to call insurance tomorrow and see what percentage they will cover of a spinal tap and go from there. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has this all in His very capable hands.
The question that Calvin and I keep asking God is, "Why does it seem that you are asking us to adopt when financially and medically it just doesn't make sense?" But every time we even emotionally, cognitively or any other "ively" waver from adoption, we are convicted to follow Him, no matter what it looks like to us! Even with the best spiritual vision, we cannot see with heavenly eyes. He has called us to patiently endure and trust Him, blindly.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." (Colossians 1:10-12)
Jesus can see above all of the fog and knows exactly how all of this will work out. It almost seems as if we are on a trailblazing locomotive that is cruising ahead at record speeds, and from our view as we try to poke our heads above the heavy cloud, we just barely see the tippy top of an enormous mountain and inevitable crash ahead. But it's interesting to me that Jesus told the disciples in Mark, chapter 11 verse 23, "“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him"! And in Mark 10:27, this is what Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
On this crazy train that is barreling toward what seems to be inevitable destruction, we find ourselves feeling a little nutty, but completely at peace, because we are on God's train and not only is it His train, but He is the engineer! Because of the "fog" (or our inability to see the big picture) in our lives, we exchange our blindness for what God can see; the big picture that there is a tunnel in the mountain or maybe it's that the mountain wasn't a mountain at all, but just a mirage. We know that God has a plan for our lives and that He would not put us on these tracks only to allow a devastating catastrophe. We know His plans for us are good, even if right now they don't appear that way or we get a few bumps and bruises along the way. He wants the best for us and is preparing us for all that lies ahead. And so, we trust Him. We exchange the visible for the invisible and take the ride of our lives!
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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