Calvin and I want to ask for your prayers. If you read my post from yesterday, you know that we've been praying about where God wants us to adopt. One of the locations was Ethiopia, and the other is from D.R. Congo. For some reason, I felt the Congo on my heart, but after talking with the project coordinator for Congo at Lifeline Adoption Agency a couple weeks ago and finding out that their Congo program was on hold for the time being and then discovering that many other agencies had put their Congo programs on hold, I thought that maybe God had closed that door.
Today, after praying more and not feeling released from pursuing the Congo further, I did an internet search for Christian adoption agencies and looked for agencies that had programs to Congo and after making one phone call, I found that this agency (All Blessings International) has an open program to Congo! And, not only did I get to speak to a program coordinator, but the Executive Director of the agency, who just so happens to be the program start-up coordinator for Congo! She had a wealth of knowledge about not only the program, but the culture and children as well. She (Lucy) spoke with me for what seemed like an hour, filling me in on every detail...even things I didn't really care to know. Her honesty and transparency was refreshing. I didn't not feel like there would be any surprises if we chose to go with her agency. She was brutally honest about every detail of what an adoption to the Congo would entail.
As she (Lucy) spoke, my heart broke. She told me about how they only service kids who have been abandoned. The adoption program in Congo is just getting started up, so she has been making regular trips there to help get things up and running...and I don't mean paperwork! She is working to get Foster Homes in place, instead of the horrible orphanage situations, initiating better medical care, trying to get clean water for the homes that the children will be in and making sure the proper medical tests are being provided for the children before placement. She said that any child that we would bring home from Congo would most likely suffer from malnutrition, scabies, parasites and developmental delays. The living situations are more horrible than we can possibly imagine. Lucy said, in all reality, we could be in the middle of an adoption and have our child die because of the horrible conditions. And to top it all off, this is a country at war. Think of those movies where men drive around in pick-up trucks shooting machine guns making threats and demands on various tribes...and then apply that to Congo and that's their reality. Most adoptions do occur in the Western portion of the country, while the war is raging in the east.
Lucy shared with me that it is a dangerous place to travel and that most adoptive parents are terrified upon arrival, so the agency does their best to prepare them for the trip and makes sure they have a photo of the liaison so they know who to look for when they arrive. She said it's not dangerous in the sense that there are men with machine guns, but more like there are mobs of people that want to get you to come with them in their cars when you arrive so that they can either rob you or charge you a very high fee for their services. The more Lucy told me about Congo, the more my heart bled for the children in that environment and felt pressed to look into it further, but at the same time, I became more and more fearful...not only for our safety when we travel there, but about all of the "what ifs" attached to these children:
*what if the kids are dangerous because of their hostile environment?
*what if the kids have R.A.D. (reactive attachment disorder) and are never able to bond with us?
*what if the kids are so poorly behaved that we have to pour all of our energies into them?? (which wouldn't be fair to our girls)
*what if we have thousands of dollars into this adoption and our child/ren dies?
Despite my fears, I still felt led to share the information with Calvin. It's hard to describe the two emotions that raged within me! The fear was so real, so raw, but the love for the children was deep and penetrated my soul to the tips of my toes. Part of my heart was so connected with the children of this country and aching to bring them home, while the other portion of my heart was trembling in fear and "what ifs". I thought, for sure after hearing all about this program, Calvin would be skeptical and notice all of the "risks" and say "no" to Congo. But that is not what happened. He surprised me and said what my heart already knew, "Jen, I think we really need to pray about pursuing Congo." Then he went on to say with a hopeful smile, "What if God wants us to move there someday and run an orphanage?" We both knew that it is not part of His plan right now, but it was definitely poking around in our thoughts today. And when I explained to Calvin the possibility that we could be half way through an adoption and thousands of dollars spent only to have the child die, he responded with such faith and courage, "Jen, that's just part of it. If this is where God is leading, then we need to do it." Oh, how undeserving I am to have such a man of God to call my husband!
So, that is where we are. All day I have been clinging to James 1:5, " If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Over and over I have plead with God today to give me wisdom.
There are pros and cons to each side of the mental debate that raged within my mind. The kids from Congo desperately need homes! It's a matter of literal death! My heart felt like it was literally coming out of my chest about to explode with emotion. No human being should be abandoned or live in those conditions! I have been brought to tears several times today. On the other hand, I almost felt (earlier today) that if we adopted these children in the Congo that I'd be sacrificing my girls because of all the "risks" (behavioral issues) that most likely come with these children. But, half way through this evening, I felt the Lord convict me of my fear! Yes, we need to use wisdom in making our decisions, but never out of fear. Fear is from the evil one. Fear paralyzes us and proves that we have areas in our life of unbelief in God's greatness and ability to overcome "impossibilities". Almost as soon as the conviction came, a verse coated my heart and brought a peace that I cannot describe.
The verse was one that I had been practicing with my girls this morning: Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I needed to be open to God and to the children that He had planned in advance for our family! He is big enough to direct us to the kids He has planned for us!!! I needed to surrender everything to His very capable hands!
Calvin and I are seriously considering and praying about the Congo for our location to adopt, but if we do this, each day, each step has to be absolutely bathed in prayer! These children are living in conditions that we cannot even imagine. Even if they make it to a foster home situation, it is not foster care that we have pictured by U.S. standards. Much of the country lives in straw huts! There are so many unknowns...there is even the possibility that our child/ren would or could die in the process and we just cannot enter this without the Holy Spirit covering this entire situation and our lives and especially the lives of all of the children involved! We are just pleading for your prayers tonight.
Please pray that if this is the door that God wants us to walk through, that He would make it undeniably obvious to us! We just want to be obedient to Him...and actually, if I'm completely honest, part of me wants to be obedient if this is where He's called us because I hurt so intensely for these kids, but part of me wants to run away in fear just like Jonah did. I am not strong enough or equipped enough to take on this task!!! But just as many of my Sunday School teachers have said in the past, as well as many spiritual leaders, "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called". I guess that's another way we know He is working in us...when we are able to do things that we know we would not be able to do if He were not with us!!!
Please pray for the Congolese government, for the people as a whole and for the children, especially the children. Please pray that God would make us strong and courageous and to hold onto the promise that He will be with us wherever we go!
Today, after praying more and not feeling released from pursuing the Congo further, I did an internet search for Christian adoption agencies and looked for agencies that had programs to Congo and after making one phone call, I found that this agency (All Blessings International) has an open program to Congo! And, not only did I get to speak to a program coordinator, but the Executive Director of the agency, who just so happens to be the program start-up coordinator for Congo! She had a wealth of knowledge about not only the program, but the culture and children as well. She (Lucy) spoke with me for what seemed like an hour, filling me in on every detail...even things I didn't really care to know. Her honesty and transparency was refreshing. I didn't not feel like there would be any surprises if we chose to go with her agency. She was brutally honest about every detail of what an adoption to the Congo would entail.
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| displaced children from the Congolese war |
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| Child soldiers |
Lucy shared with me that it is a dangerous place to travel and that most adoptive parents are terrified upon arrival, so the agency does their best to prepare them for the trip and makes sure they have a photo of the liaison so they know who to look for when they arrive. She said it's not dangerous in the sense that there are men with machine guns, but more like there are mobs of people that want to get you to come with them in their cars when you arrive so that they can either rob you or charge you a very high fee for their services. The more Lucy told me about Congo, the more my heart bled for the children in that environment and felt pressed to look into it further, but at the same time, I became more and more fearful...not only for our safety when we travel there, but about all of the "what ifs" attached to these children:
*what if the kids are dangerous because of their hostile environment?
*what if the kids have R.A.D. (reactive attachment disorder) and are never able to bond with us?
*what if the kids are so poorly behaved that we have to pour all of our energies into them?? (which wouldn't be fair to our girls)
*what if we have thousands of dollars into this adoption and our child/ren dies?
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| Abandoned baby found in one of the Congolese cities |
So, that is where we are. All day I have been clinging to James 1:5, " If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Over and over I have plead with God today to give me wisdom.
There are pros and cons to each side of the mental debate that raged within my mind. The kids from Congo desperately need homes! It's a matter of literal death! My heart felt like it was literally coming out of my chest about to explode with emotion. No human being should be abandoned or live in those conditions! I have been brought to tears several times today. On the other hand, I almost felt (earlier today) that if we adopted these children in the Congo that I'd be sacrificing my girls because of all the "risks" (behavioral issues) that most likely come with these children. But, half way through this evening, I felt the Lord convict me of my fear! Yes, we need to use wisdom in making our decisions, but never out of fear. Fear is from the evil one. Fear paralyzes us and proves that we have areas in our life of unbelief in God's greatness and ability to overcome "impossibilities". Almost as soon as the conviction came, a verse coated my heart and brought a peace that I cannot describe.
The verse was one that I had been practicing with my girls this morning: Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I needed to be open to God and to the children that He had planned in advance for our family! He is big enough to direct us to the kids He has planned for us!!! I needed to surrender everything to His very capable hands!
Calvin and I are seriously considering and praying about the Congo for our location to adopt, but if we do this, each day, each step has to be absolutely bathed in prayer! These children are living in conditions that we cannot even imagine. Even if they make it to a foster home situation, it is not foster care that we have pictured by U.S. standards. Much of the country lives in straw huts! There are so many unknowns...there is even the possibility that our child/ren would or could die in the process and we just cannot enter this without the Holy Spirit covering this entire situation and our lives and especially the lives of all of the children involved! We are just pleading for your prayers tonight.
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| Northern Congo; Refugee camp |
Please pray that if this is the door that God wants us to walk through, that He would make it undeniably obvious to us! We just want to be obedient to Him...and actually, if I'm completely honest, part of me wants to be obedient if this is where He's called us because I hurt so intensely for these kids, but part of me wants to run away in fear just like Jonah did. I am not strong enough or equipped enough to take on this task!!! But just as many of my Sunday School teachers have said in the past, as well as many spiritual leaders, "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called". I guess that's another way we know He is working in us...when we are able to do things that we know we would not be able to do if He were not with us!!!
Please pray for the Congolese government, for the people as a whole and for the children, especially the children. Please pray that God would make us strong and courageous and to hold onto the promise that He will be with us wherever we go!
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