It looks as if I need to apologize yet again for my lack of rambling! It has been nearly two weeks since my last post! My excuses are as follows: I am working at the preschool/daycare, I also got a second job (occasionally running a photo booth at weddings and events), Calvin has been working 12 to 17 hour days and we are getting ready for my brother's wedding next weekend! The real reason though for my delinquency has been that we received our adoption home study paperwork and have been diligently pouring over them in our "free-time" and praying about what our next step is.
When we received the home study packet, I can't deny that we were feeling a bit overwhelmed. Once I got to the bottom of the stack of paperwork, there was a form describing what safety qualifications our home needed to meet in order to adopt. A few of the major issues with our home is that the kids bedrooms are in the basement, and since we live in a 1930's home, even though it's been completely remodeled, the basement windows do not meet Egress, the "fire-code safety size". The windows are brand new with vinyl frames and all, but without their size meeting the Egress requirements and because they sit so far above the heads of the children, they do not qualify as a safe exit from the house in case of fire. And to add to the window problem, we are required to have two major points of exit from each floor of the home, but there is no door to the basement (obviously).
Calvin and I had already been talking about trying to purchase a new home for the past couple of weeks. We had bought the home we are in from my brother because we had been living with my parents for 6 months after our return from Peru and felt that we had put them out enough and needed to get a place of our own. But we had a dilemma. We could not get a loan at the time, even though our credit was spotless and even though we'd paid off two houses in the past, because we did not have two years of current work in the United States. And, at the time, we couldn't afford to rent because it was more expensive than an actual mortgage payment! So, we bought my brother's house because his payments went directly to the owner. All we had to do was assume his loan. This house though, is getting small (especially if we are growing our family!). There is no dishwasher and the home is seated on a busy street. So, for these reasons alone, we were beginning to consider moving.
Then, throw in the home study fire regulations and moving sounded like a great idea! But part of me wanted to stay in this house. And when Calvin and I spoke about the issue, I discovered that he was feeling the same way. (Here comes another "announcement") The second "goal" that Calvin and I felt impressed to meet all those months ago was paying off our home. It was personal because of the amount of time we were going to try and do it in and because we didn't really feel it was necessary to share at the time we announced that we were going to adopt. So, the feeling that God had asked us to pay this home off was still lingering in our hearts. We did not know why we felt so strongly about this, but trusted the leading of the Lord.
Now, with the fire regulations in the home study, it looked like we would have to choose between our home and our child(ren)! But how could we afford the cost of moving, closing on a home, and an adoption!!? Our hearts were heavy with confusion and frustration and questions. "Why God? Why, if you want us to adopt do we have this wall here?"
The next day, I called the adoption agency to find out how strict they were on their fire-codes and to inform them of our dilemma. The lady I spoke with was very kind and said that she couldn't imagine that we would have to move and that she believed that several other adoptive families in their program had basements. She told me that she was going to speak with the director of the agency and find out for sure how to go about filling out the fire safety information in our packet. But the feeling of frustration was still on my heart. There was no sure answer from the agency and the possibility of having to move was still there.
In the mean-time, I called the agency (a different one than the one which is doing our home study) that we are considering using as our "program agency" (the one that will orchestrate the actual adoption itself) to find out more about the Ethiopian program.
(Oops! I realize here that I have more updating to do! I haven't kept you all up to speed on what has happened with our sweet little Altanie in Haiti! So, bear with me, I'll do it as quickly as I can)
Ok, here's an update:
*****Calvin met with the man that runs the orphanage in Haiti while he was in town about two weeks ago (I was in SLC with Ella for her leg-length check-up). We had several questions going into that meeting, like "when is Altanie's actual birthday?" "Why did her mother give her up?" etc... Calvin told me that he didn't even get to ask those questions. The man began by quizzing Calvin as to why we are so set on Altanie. And then he told us that because we don't meet Haitian requirements to adopt, we could be in the process for at least five years! And during that time, Altanie would remain in the orphanage...unless, we dropped out and allowed her to be adopted by another Christian family that was qualified.
When we received that information, we asked God if it was indeed His will for us to adopt Altanie specifically!? We had felt so directed toward her. Why, if He did not want us to adopt her did he lead us so specifically to her? When Calvin called me to update me on the meeting, I was laying in bed at our hotel in SLC. I remember praying and praying that night and asking God to help me to be willing to let go of her if that was His will, even though every bone in my body wanted to keep her for myself. At that very moment, I felt a great release. I wasn't sure at the time if it was just my surrender to the Lord that I had felt, or if it was Him releasing me from Altanie. The next day, I became more sure that it was the Lord releasing me from Altanie. I struggled with that, a lot. Over the next couple of days, I returned home and Calvin and I were able to speak about the situation. He had been released as well. When we both have the same answers from the Lord is when we know something is confirmed. Altanie was so excruciatingly hard to let go of, but we knew it was where God was leading.
When some time had passed, I felt my heart opening to something new...the possibility of a boy instead of a girl. (We had decided several weeks back that we would adopt two children, I won't elaborate now because of space and time, but through our children: Ariana and Ella's pleading and Calvin's leading by the Spirit first, followed by mine, we felt directed toward two children instead of one - originally we thought Altanie was the first and a boy would be second) Was God directing me to be open to two boys? But why then, all those weeks ago, before Calvin had been led to adopt and before Altanie caught our eye, did God ask me to be open to a girl? I knew that He had not closed the door on a boy, but He had specifically asked me to be open to a girl. Why? All night I wrestled with this question because of my new impression to seek out two boys. The next morning, it dawned on me: God knew that Calvin was going to be opened to adoption through Altanie, who just so happened to be a girl! He knew that she was the door to adoption! Later that day, I received a phone call from my dear friend who listened intently to my frustrations and questions. In response to the question, "Why would God ask me to be open to a girl and then direct us to boys?" my friend said, "Jen, God knew that Calvin would be drawn to Altanie and that she was the open door to adoption"!!! She said the exact words that I had felt so clearly that morning! What a confirmation!
So, all that to say, we are no longer pursuing Altanie, and are now seeking God's will as to where He wants us to pursue this adoption of two little boys! We feel a bit like Paul on his missionary journey when he headed toward Asia, but the Spirit closed the door to Asia and later gave him a vision that led him to Macedonia! Paul was not on the wrong journey, he was meant to be a missionary, but God closed the door on one place in particular so that Paul would be led to Macedonia, where God had great plans for him. (Acts 16:6-10) In the same way, we feel that our journey to adopt is the correct path, but the door to Haiti has been closed and now we are waiting to see where God wants us to go.***** End of update.
So, I was in the process of telling you about asking the adoption agency about the Ethiopian program. Calvin and I had felt more and more directed to checking into Ethiopia because of several "coincidental" pieces of information about Ethiopia that we had received in the past several days. When I spoke with the woman on the other end of the phone, she informed me that an Ethiopian adoption can take up to two years to complete and siblings are often five or six years apart in age. With this information, came more frustration. We would like to add to our family sooner than later to give us all ample time to adjust and we'd like for the new members to fit into the age sequence of our girls. For example: we'd like to keep Ariana and Ella in their birth-order, Ariana, Ella and then the next two children. But with a five to six year age-gap, this seemed impossible, since Ariana is not even six years old now!
Confusion laced everything (for me). Why was there such trouble with our home meeting safety requirements if we are supposed to adopt? Why is each country we want to adopt from not meet some criteria that we are hoping for? I was questioning our call to adopt, questioning (again) my ability to hear the Lord's voice...and then, I recognized the evil one's hand in all of this. His pesky hand of interference has been evident from the start. Every time Calvin and I make the decision to take a step forward in the adoption financially, up pops a new unexpected expense! But each and every time that has happened, God has overcome with an unexpected financial blessing!
Every time, God makes His will evident and provides again and again with specific confirmations. One such time, I was beginning to doubt, I asked God to provide the exact amount of money for our application and asked Him to lead Calvin to initiate paying and sending it in. This was going to be a stretch, since it was me who was doing the research and filling Calvin in on each new step. I knew that if Calvin initiated sending in the application fee and if God provided the exact amount, then His mighty hand was, indeed on this process. So, as you know, since I told the story before, the very next day, a check arrived in the mail for the EXACT amount needed for the application and when Calvin arrived home from work and looked at the check, he called to me from the other room, "Hey Jen, use this check for the adoption application"!!!!!!! After remembering this confirmation, more and more confirmations flowed into my mind and heart of how the Lord had opened each and every door to adoption up to this point. Satan has done everything in his power to discourage us from this journey by fogging everything up, but God has poked holes of Sonshine into the fog and has given us the light onto our path, one step at a time!
It was at this point that I realized that the safety issues with our house and the Ethiopian frustrations might not be closed doors at all...I just needed to pray and seek God's will on the matter. And when I talked with Calvin about all my heart had been debating, he informed me that while the process was frustrating, he had never wavered from the knowledge that we are being led to adopt!
The next day, I received a phone call back from the woman I spoke with originally about our home not meeting fire-safety requirements. She said that after speaking with the director, she found out that all we had to do was write out an evacuation plan stating that we had ladders in place for the children to climb out of the basement windows in case of a fire and that a move was not at all required! The same day, the woman told me that the Ethiopian program probably had siblings that were closer together in age, but that many of the age differences were 5 or 6 years, they just have to let us know the odds.
Now, sitting in my living room on my comfy sofa, I am reminded anew today that God is bigger than all of this! If He wants us to adopt siblings from Ethiopia, He will open all of the doors. I cannot do anything to make it happen! It will be orchestrated by His mighty hand! We still have not had the location of Ethiopia confirmed... At this point, we are exploring places, knocking on doors and waiting for God to open or shut them. But we do know that He wants us knocking, and that adoption is the end result!
We sure appreciate each of your prayers during this process. Anyone who has ever adopted can surely relate with the frustrations of it all! But I am so encouraged as I watch God pave and provide for each step of this process! Please keep our family in your prayers along with the precious children that God has planned for our family! Ariana and Ella can hardly wait to meet their new little brothers! In fact, Ella already has them named: Basghetti Pants and Marco!! Ariana has the seats in the car assigned and is planning all of the activities they will do together. It has been amazing to watch this process through their eyes and see the faith that God has equipped them with! Oh, if I could have faith like a child!
Well, I guess this is as good a place as any to leave off. I promise to be better at updating you. Many times I tell myself that my news is boring or not worthy of jotting down and so I don't, but isn't this blog called: Ramblings of Jen!?! It need not make sense...just ramble! And I think I've met that goal in this post!!
Thanks again for your prayers and for the many messages of support and encouragement. We are so blessed to have such a great family of believers to walk with us on this journey!
Until Next Time,
Cal, Jen, Ariana, Ella and ??? and ???
When we received the home study packet, I can't deny that we were feeling a bit overwhelmed. Once I got to the bottom of the stack of paperwork, there was a form describing what safety qualifications our home needed to meet in order to adopt. A few of the major issues with our home is that the kids bedrooms are in the basement, and since we live in a 1930's home, even though it's been completely remodeled, the basement windows do not meet Egress, the "fire-code safety size". The windows are brand new with vinyl frames and all, but without their size meeting the Egress requirements and because they sit so far above the heads of the children, they do not qualify as a safe exit from the house in case of fire. And to add to the window problem, we are required to have two major points of exit from each floor of the home, but there is no door to the basement (obviously).
Calvin and I had already been talking about trying to purchase a new home for the past couple of weeks. We had bought the home we are in from my brother because we had been living with my parents for 6 months after our return from Peru and felt that we had put them out enough and needed to get a place of our own. But we had a dilemma. We could not get a loan at the time, even though our credit was spotless and even though we'd paid off two houses in the past, because we did not have two years of current work in the United States. And, at the time, we couldn't afford to rent because it was more expensive than an actual mortgage payment! So, we bought my brother's house because his payments went directly to the owner. All we had to do was assume his loan. This house though, is getting small (especially if we are growing our family!). There is no dishwasher and the home is seated on a busy street. So, for these reasons alone, we were beginning to consider moving.
Then, throw in the home study fire regulations and moving sounded like a great idea! But part of me wanted to stay in this house. And when Calvin and I spoke about the issue, I discovered that he was feeling the same way. (Here comes another "announcement") The second "goal" that Calvin and I felt impressed to meet all those months ago was paying off our home. It was personal because of the amount of time we were going to try and do it in and because we didn't really feel it was necessary to share at the time we announced that we were going to adopt. So, the feeling that God had asked us to pay this home off was still lingering in our hearts. We did not know why we felt so strongly about this, but trusted the leading of the Lord.
Now, with the fire regulations in the home study, it looked like we would have to choose between our home and our child(ren)! But how could we afford the cost of moving, closing on a home, and an adoption!!? Our hearts were heavy with confusion and frustration and questions. "Why God? Why, if you want us to adopt do we have this wall here?"
The next day, I called the adoption agency to find out how strict they were on their fire-codes and to inform them of our dilemma. The lady I spoke with was very kind and said that she couldn't imagine that we would have to move and that she believed that several other adoptive families in their program had basements. She told me that she was going to speak with the director of the agency and find out for sure how to go about filling out the fire safety information in our packet. But the feeling of frustration was still on my heart. There was no sure answer from the agency and the possibility of having to move was still there.
In the mean-time, I called the agency (a different one than the one which is doing our home study) that we are considering using as our "program agency" (the one that will orchestrate the actual adoption itself) to find out more about the Ethiopian program.
(Oops! I realize here that I have more updating to do! I haven't kept you all up to speed on what has happened with our sweet little Altanie in Haiti! So, bear with me, I'll do it as quickly as I can)
Ok, here's an update:
*****Calvin met with the man that runs the orphanage in Haiti while he was in town about two weeks ago (I was in SLC with Ella for her leg-length check-up). We had several questions going into that meeting, like "when is Altanie's actual birthday?" "Why did her mother give her up?" etc... Calvin told me that he didn't even get to ask those questions. The man began by quizzing Calvin as to why we are so set on Altanie. And then he told us that because we don't meet Haitian requirements to adopt, we could be in the process for at least five years! And during that time, Altanie would remain in the orphanage...unless, we dropped out and allowed her to be adopted by another Christian family that was qualified.
When we received that information, we asked God if it was indeed His will for us to adopt Altanie specifically!? We had felt so directed toward her. Why, if He did not want us to adopt her did he lead us so specifically to her? When Calvin called me to update me on the meeting, I was laying in bed at our hotel in SLC. I remember praying and praying that night and asking God to help me to be willing to let go of her if that was His will, even though every bone in my body wanted to keep her for myself. At that very moment, I felt a great release. I wasn't sure at the time if it was just my surrender to the Lord that I had felt, or if it was Him releasing me from Altanie. The next day, I became more sure that it was the Lord releasing me from Altanie. I struggled with that, a lot. Over the next couple of days, I returned home and Calvin and I were able to speak about the situation. He had been released as well. When we both have the same answers from the Lord is when we know something is confirmed. Altanie was so excruciatingly hard to let go of, but we knew it was where God was leading.
When some time had passed, I felt my heart opening to something new...the possibility of a boy instead of a girl. (We had decided several weeks back that we would adopt two children, I won't elaborate now because of space and time, but through our children: Ariana and Ella's pleading and Calvin's leading by the Spirit first, followed by mine, we felt directed toward two children instead of one - originally we thought Altanie was the first and a boy would be second) Was God directing me to be open to two boys? But why then, all those weeks ago, before Calvin had been led to adopt and before Altanie caught our eye, did God ask me to be open to a girl? I knew that He had not closed the door on a boy, but He had specifically asked me to be open to a girl. Why? All night I wrestled with this question because of my new impression to seek out two boys. The next morning, it dawned on me: God knew that Calvin was going to be opened to adoption through Altanie, who just so happened to be a girl! He knew that she was the door to adoption! Later that day, I received a phone call from my dear friend who listened intently to my frustrations and questions. In response to the question, "Why would God ask me to be open to a girl and then direct us to boys?" my friend said, "Jen, God knew that Calvin would be drawn to Altanie and that she was the open door to adoption"!!! She said the exact words that I had felt so clearly that morning! What a confirmation!
So, all that to say, we are no longer pursuing Altanie, and are now seeking God's will as to where He wants us to pursue this adoption of two little boys! We feel a bit like Paul on his missionary journey when he headed toward Asia, but the Spirit closed the door to Asia and later gave him a vision that led him to Macedonia! Paul was not on the wrong journey, he was meant to be a missionary, but God closed the door on one place in particular so that Paul would be led to Macedonia, where God had great plans for him. (Acts 16:6-10) In the same way, we feel that our journey to adopt is the correct path, but the door to Haiti has been closed and now we are waiting to see where God wants us to go.***** End of update.
So, I was in the process of telling you about asking the adoption agency about the Ethiopian program. Calvin and I had felt more and more directed to checking into Ethiopia because of several "coincidental" pieces of information about Ethiopia that we had received in the past several days. When I spoke with the woman on the other end of the phone, she informed me that an Ethiopian adoption can take up to two years to complete and siblings are often five or six years apart in age. With this information, came more frustration. We would like to add to our family sooner than later to give us all ample time to adjust and we'd like for the new members to fit into the age sequence of our girls. For example: we'd like to keep Ariana and Ella in their birth-order, Ariana, Ella and then the next two children. But with a five to six year age-gap, this seemed impossible, since Ariana is not even six years old now!
Confusion laced everything (for me). Why was there such trouble with our home meeting safety requirements if we are supposed to adopt? Why is each country we want to adopt from not meet some criteria that we are hoping for? I was questioning our call to adopt, questioning (again) my ability to hear the Lord's voice...and then, I recognized the evil one's hand in all of this. His pesky hand of interference has been evident from the start. Every time Calvin and I make the decision to take a step forward in the adoption financially, up pops a new unexpected expense! But each and every time that has happened, God has overcome with an unexpected financial blessing!
Every time, God makes His will evident and provides again and again with specific confirmations. One such time, I was beginning to doubt, I asked God to provide the exact amount of money for our application and asked Him to lead Calvin to initiate paying and sending it in. This was going to be a stretch, since it was me who was doing the research and filling Calvin in on each new step. I knew that if Calvin initiated sending in the application fee and if God provided the exact amount, then His mighty hand was, indeed on this process. So, as you know, since I told the story before, the very next day, a check arrived in the mail for the EXACT amount needed for the application and when Calvin arrived home from work and looked at the check, he called to me from the other room, "Hey Jen, use this check for the adoption application"!!!!!!! After remembering this confirmation, more and more confirmations flowed into my mind and heart of how the Lord had opened each and every door to adoption up to this point. Satan has done everything in his power to discourage us from this journey by fogging everything up, but God has poked holes of Sonshine into the fog and has given us the light onto our path, one step at a time!
It was at this point that I realized that the safety issues with our house and the Ethiopian frustrations might not be closed doors at all...I just needed to pray and seek God's will on the matter. And when I talked with Calvin about all my heart had been debating, he informed me that while the process was frustrating, he had never wavered from the knowledge that we are being led to adopt!
The next day, I received a phone call back from the woman I spoke with originally about our home not meeting fire-safety requirements. She said that after speaking with the director, she found out that all we had to do was write out an evacuation plan stating that we had ladders in place for the children to climb out of the basement windows in case of a fire and that a move was not at all required! The same day, the woman told me that the Ethiopian program probably had siblings that were closer together in age, but that many of the age differences were 5 or 6 years, they just have to let us know the odds.
Now, sitting in my living room on my comfy sofa, I am reminded anew today that God is bigger than all of this! If He wants us to adopt siblings from Ethiopia, He will open all of the doors. I cannot do anything to make it happen! It will be orchestrated by His mighty hand! We still have not had the location of Ethiopia confirmed... At this point, we are exploring places, knocking on doors and waiting for God to open or shut them. But we do know that He wants us knocking, and that adoption is the end result!
We sure appreciate each of your prayers during this process. Anyone who has ever adopted can surely relate with the frustrations of it all! But I am so encouraged as I watch God pave and provide for each step of this process! Please keep our family in your prayers along with the precious children that God has planned for our family! Ariana and Ella can hardly wait to meet their new little brothers! In fact, Ella already has them named: Basghetti Pants and Marco!! Ariana has the seats in the car assigned and is planning all of the activities they will do together. It has been amazing to watch this process through their eyes and see the faith that God has equipped them with! Oh, if I could have faith like a child!
Well, I guess this is as good a place as any to leave off. I promise to be better at updating you. Many times I tell myself that my news is boring or not worthy of jotting down and so I don't, but isn't this blog called: Ramblings of Jen!?! It need not make sense...just ramble! And I think I've met that goal in this post!!
Thanks again for your prayers and for the many messages of support and encouragement. We are so blessed to have such a great family of believers to walk with us on this journey!
Until Next Time,
Cal, Jen, Ariana, Ella and ??? and ???
Jen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this update. Zac and I will continue to keep the family in our prayers. Love you!
So happy to hear an update. Can't wait to meet your little ones and see how this journey plays out for you. I have a dear friend who just went through the adoption process from Ethiopia and just got back from court, awaiting her little man to be a US citizen so they can bring him home. She is a great resource if your looking for more information, agency recommendations or just to have someone who understand the wild journey of adoption. Hugs and love to you guys!
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